Is it any wonder, I’ve got too much (clap, clap) time on my hands
and it’s ticking away at my sanity
I’ve got too much (clap, clap) time on my hands
it’s hard to believe such a calamity
I’ve got too much time on my hands
and it’s ticking away-ticking away from me
Too much time on my hands T-T-T-T-T-T-T too much time on my hands
How in the heck did Styx know back in 1981 that the lyrics to this song would have such significant relevance to my life in 2010? Well, actually I’m no jet-fuel genius…………whatever that is, and I can’t solve all the world problems without even thinking, but, I am beginning to wonder if I’ve got too much (clap, clap) time on my hands? Sorry, the tune is so catchy that I just can’t seem stop myself from doing that. And it would be such a calamity if the loooong days I’ve endured in order to have a 3 day work week was all done in vein! After all, I have fought for this time-I’ve suffered for this time, only to come to this?
So now what am I suppose to do?
That darn question is what got me here in the first place. What am I suppose to do? I have been working so hard trying to figure out where I’m going and what I am suppose to be doing, that I have lost sight of the here and now. Maybe its age, but all of a sudden those darn "life clichés" seem relevant, and I actually catch myself saying them! Geesh, I do only have today. How many Monday’s have I lost because I was so focused on what was going to happen Tuesday. But when Tuesday came along, I realized that wasn’t it, why didn't I see the obvious? It wasn’t about Tuesday, so it clearly must be about Wednesday. And so on and so on and so on……
This is very new for me, it will take practice and commitment to not get ahead of myself and stay in the present. Tomorrow I start with no expectations of what I “should” do and just enjoy whatever it is that happens. I have to admit, I am curious to see if my day will feel any different. I'll let ya know!
Monday, April 26, 2010
Friday, April 23, 2010
Drama Queen
The verdict’s in. Unless anyone comes forth with additional information or any new evidence stating otherwise, we can now put this case to rest. Its official, my daughter Emma is guilty of being a drama queen! Now of course being one of her parents, I already knew this to be true, but now her friends have stuck her with this label.
Of the many challenges that I have faced so far during parenthood, I think this has to be one of the hardest. I want what any parent wants, to see my kids to grow to be healthy, happy, creative, caring and compassionate individuals. To be confident in themselves and know that it’s ok to have an opinion that may be different than others. But there’s this other thing too, and if I’m being honest, it’s what I want even more badly. I want them to fit in, I want them to be liked and have friends, to have someone to sit with at lunch and on the bus, to have kids who want to play with them at recess, to be picked for a team and not be last, I want them to actually want to go to school every day. Is it too much to ask for all these things?
Of course not! You’re not crazy to want all these things for your kids, but you are crazy if you believe they will all happen! Oh come on, you really didn’t believe you would be the exception, did you? Oh sorry, I wasn’t talking you, I was talking to me. Yeah, I did think I would be the exception, but maybe you did too!
So in some weird sort of way, Emma being a drama queen is proof that I have raised my children to believe these things to be true about themselves. But even kids aren’t exempt from ridicule and judgment. They soon learn that being different and not going with the flow can lead to name calling and bullying. As much as I want to protect her from all these things, I know that if I did, I would be robbing her of all the valuable lessons and opportunities that are coming her way.
I don’t have the words to describe how it felt when she came to me last night and thanked me for suggesting that she apologize to her friend. She was genuinely grateful. First off, I was shocked that she was even listening when we talked. Second, I can’t believe she actually took my advice. She apologized, even though she didn’t think she was wrong. WOW, I love that girl!
And just to set the record straight, Emma is really only a Drama Princess. I am the real Drama Queen in this house!
Of the many challenges that I have faced so far during parenthood, I think this has to be one of the hardest. I want what any parent wants, to see my kids to grow to be healthy, happy, creative, caring and compassionate individuals. To be confident in themselves and know that it’s ok to have an opinion that may be different than others. But there’s this other thing too, and if I’m being honest, it’s what I want even more badly. I want them to fit in, I want them to be liked and have friends, to have someone to sit with at lunch and on the bus, to have kids who want to play with them at recess, to be picked for a team and not be last, I want them to actually want to go to school every day. Is it too much to ask for all these things?
Of course not! You’re not crazy to want all these things for your kids, but you are crazy if you believe they will all happen! Oh come on, you really didn’t believe you would be the exception, did you? Oh sorry, I wasn’t talking you, I was talking to me. Yeah, I did think I would be the exception, but maybe you did too!
So in some weird sort of way, Emma being a drama queen is proof that I have raised my children to believe these things to be true about themselves. But even kids aren’t exempt from ridicule and judgment. They soon learn that being different and not going with the flow can lead to name calling and bullying. As much as I want to protect her from all these things, I know that if I did, I would be robbing her of all the valuable lessons and opportunities that are coming her way.
I don’t have the words to describe how it felt when she came to me last night and thanked me for suggesting that she apologize to her friend. She was genuinely grateful. First off, I was shocked that she was even listening when we talked. Second, I can’t believe she actually took my advice. She apologized, even though she didn’t think she was wrong. WOW, I love that girl!
And just to set the record straight, Emma is really only a Drama Princess. I am the real Drama Queen in this house!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Hooked on a Feelin'
I have been attempting to give this blog thing a shot. I love to write, I have many ideas, and I have difficulty keeping my opinions to myself! So why am I having such a hard time getting this done?
Something I have been told before is that I am someone who is “hooked on a feelin”. Those who know me are aware that I am on this never ending quest to figure out what the heck it is that I think I should be doing with my life. This may include anything from my potential business ventures, inventions I have come up, my ideas for workshops and programs, my ideas for your workshops and programs, the books I’m writing, or catchy titles-that just need a book to go with. The truth is, I’ve been hell-bent on trying to figure out what my purpose is, so I can take the plunge and start living it!
So why’s it taking so long?!
Well, I think it’s because I’m hooked on a feeling, a feeling of what I think it should look like or be. A lot of my ideas revolve around family, independence, creativity, freedom, flexibility, and having my voice. But as I started exploring, I found that most of the things I thought I wanted came with a hefty price tag. An example:
I am a hairdresser and had dreams of opening a salon of my own. After a year of being patient (a first for me), doing my homework, running the numbers, and then running the numbers some more, I found that it just wasn’t going to work. Oh God I wanted it to, but it just wasn’t happenin’! I realized that I was trying to force something that was not meant to be. But through the experience, I did come to realize that I make an exceptional income working three days a week. Owning a salon would require working (a lot) more hours and I would be lucky to make a fraction of my existing pay. Not to mention, who’s going to run the shop while I have the freedom to do whatever it is I think I would be doing?! It was a path heading opposite of what my values are and what is important to me. Instead I found a place closer to home that offered all the things I was looking for……..what a blessing!
So to me this all ties in to the same reason that I have not been writing. I have been converting a room in my house into my office, my retreat, a beautifully decorated room that makes me feel good when I am in it. A place I can hang out, it will be my haven where I will aspire to become a world-renowned writer…………NOT! Well, the latter part would be wonderful, but I would be most happy sitting at the table or island in the kitchen, which is where I am right now! It was all about the set up, I was creating the perfect environment and THEN everything would fall into place. I was trying to satisfy the feeling around what I want, instead of just going ahead and doing it. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, but this time it was keeping me from what I want to be doing.
Before writing this I called my husband to let him know that my future office is going to look really good as an extra bedroom, and he said “it already did before you started this!” And so I decided to sit in the kitchen and write a blog about it!
Something I have been told before is that I am someone who is “hooked on a feelin”. Those who know me are aware that I am on this never ending quest to figure out what the heck it is that I think I should be doing with my life. This may include anything from my potential business ventures, inventions I have come up, my ideas for workshops and programs, my ideas for your workshops and programs, the books I’m writing, or catchy titles-that just need a book to go with. The truth is, I’ve been hell-bent on trying to figure out what my purpose is, so I can take the plunge and start living it!
So why’s it taking so long?!
Well, I think it’s because I’m hooked on a feeling, a feeling of what I think it should look like or be. A lot of my ideas revolve around family, independence, creativity, freedom, flexibility, and having my voice. But as I started exploring, I found that most of the things I thought I wanted came with a hefty price tag. An example:
I am a hairdresser and had dreams of opening a salon of my own. After a year of being patient (a first for me), doing my homework, running the numbers, and then running the numbers some more, I found that it just wasn’t going to work. Oh God I wanted it to, but it just wasn’t happenin’! I realized that I was trying to force something that was not meant to be. But through the experience, I did come to realize that I make an exceptional income working three days a week. Owning a salon would require working (a lot) more hours and I would be lucky to make a fraction of my existing pay. Not to mention, who’s going to run the shop while I have the freedom to do whatever it is I think I would be doing?! It was a path heading opposite of what my values are and what is important to me. Instead I found a place closer to home that offered all the things I was looking for……..what a blessing!
So to me this all ties in to the same reason that I have not been writing. I have been converting a room in my house into my office, my retreat, a beautifully decorated room that makes me feel good when I am in it. A place I can hang out, it will be my haven where I will aspire to become a world-renowned writer…………NOT! Well, the latter part would be wonderful, but I would be most happy sitting at the table or island in the kitchen, which is where I am right now! It was all about the set up, I was creating the perfect environment and THEN everything would fall into place. I was trying to satisfy the feeling around what I want, instead of just going ahead and doing it. I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, but this time it was keeping me from what I want to be doing.
Before writing this I called my husband to let him know that my future office is going to look really good as an extra bedroom, and he said “it already did before you started this!” And so I decided to sit in the kitchen and write a blog about it!
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Comfort.....at what cost?
Lately I notice how much I’m being tested on my efforts to slow down. It’s funny how this works-it seems that when I make a decision the universe throws me a challenge, testing my dedication to the changes that are under way.
Or.....perhaps the universe is always throwing out the challenges, but my busyness keeps me distracted from seeing them. Or second-zies on perhaps, I’m aware that it’s constantly happening, but it’s just easier to keep doing things the way I always do them. Change is uncomfortable, and I am uncomfortable with being uncomfortable!
How long will I continue paying the price for a moment of comfort?
Or.....perhaps the universe is always throwing out the challenges, but my busyness keeps me distracted from seeing them. Or second-zies on perhaps, I’m aware that it’s constantly happening, but it’s just easier to keep doing things the way I always do them. Change is uncomfortable, and I am uncomfortable with being uncomfortable!
How long will I continue paying the price for a moment of comfort?
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