Who's the teacher?

Who wants to be told what to do? Is there anyone you know who wants a bunch of rules shoved down their throat? When someone barks orders at you, do you find this to be an effective way of communicating?

I’ll just go ahead and start this off by referring to myself. A sure-fire way to shut me down (and by that I really mean…tick me off), would be to think that you are going to tell me what to do. My guess is most people feel the same way to some extent, but this just really happens to be a BIG one for me! I have an example that already happened this morning, and for the unexpected individual it would go by unnoticed, but it didn’t slip by my husband! Here’s what happened. Rob says “hey, grab me a Kroger bag while you’re out there”. So of course I purposely grabbed a CVS bag. He then say’s “I thought I told you to get me a Kroger bag”, and I say “you got a CVS bag…cuz you’re not gonna tell me what to do!” We both know how goofy it is, but we also know how very real it is for me, so we make light of it when we can!

So…. knowing that most adults prefer to make their own decisions and would rather not have someone telling them what to do, how do I take this information and apply it with my children? Why would I think my children would just simply accept being told what to do, when in fact I don’t? Why would I think that focusing on all the “rules” would be an effective way of parenting, when indeed I shut down when I am not given the freedom to be…different.

The very fact that I'm asking these questions means to me that it's probably time that I show up different in my relationship with my children. How do I become a resource for them, how do I build a trust that lets them know I am safe to come to?

As a parent it is our responsibility to keep our children safe, and with that we must set boundaries and limitations. So how do we do this while allowing the freedom and independence that is also needed? I'm thinking it may be a little easier if I can keep a few things in mind.

There are just some things we must accept as parents:

· Our children will get hurt
· They are going to make poor decisions
· What’s important to us-will most likely not be important to them!
· There will be times they HATE us
· There will be times we have to make extremely hard decisions

Some important things to remember along the way:

· Our kids are unique, creative, active, and resourceful individuals (aka…exhausting!)
· They need their personal space
· They are trying to make their way the best they can
· We are setting the most important examples…the good and the bad
· Sometimes they are looking for “an excuse” to say no…gladly accept that it will be you!
· When we want to judge and react, maybe what they most need is love and acceptance
· I will need resources so I can keep being my best for them

I also realize that this list is not only a tool for becoming a better parent, but it also seems to be what we are all looking for. Once again, one of the old sayings is proving true…our children are here to teach us.